Posted on 9:18 PM | By Supreme Kourt | In
As I wave my white flag and admit defeat, my eyes grow weary and my heart becomes heavy. Today was a difficult day for me in my ongoing struggle to find happiness within Alzheimer's patients. Every day proves to be a trial and error at my new home. The residents are very agitated and at times I become discouraged. I decided to visit the old property in hopes of finding solitude and encouragement. I needed affirmation that my heart still shines through in all I do to create a happy home for those unable to care for themselves. I entered in the old property and found my residents. Some elated with my visit greeted me with hugs. Others smiled and nodded as I was only a mere recognition.
I walked into the living room I saw my resident nicknamed "Hollywood" sitting with a blank stare and a lifeless look on her face. It broke my heart. I remained intact as I walked towards her. Swallowing my emotions and fighting back tears, I called out to her... no response. She mumbled words to herself but I could not understand. It was in that moment that I felt what these families go through every time they walk in the door to visit their loved ones. I kept strong and tried to get her attention again. Nothing. It made me sick to my stomach that this successful person who had been the first woman stock broker in NYC sat with a listless face staring at the carpet. Hollywood was a woman of determination and dignity. Of high taste and fashion. Her love for life appeared every time she would smile. I knew before I left that this woman needed me. In some way I felt a connection to her the instance I picked her up from the hospital. She needed to be reminded of her importance in this world, of love, and of laughter. I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt engulf me. I saw my other residents. Lou especially because he would always brighten my days. But, it was evident that the weight of Hollywood was too much to bare. I had to walk away.
In my search for encouragement, I found pain. I was reminded today of the fact that Alzheimer's cannot be stopped by a simple entertaining activity. It is only merely postponed.
Though today I will surrender to the exhaustion, I am not going to give up. While those with Alzheimer's will face life's course; it is in the time spent stalling the inevitable I find appreciation for the past, love for the present, and hope for the future. As Lou said, "chin up kid, laughter is always the best medicine. And you gotta good laugh!" ;)
Good night and thank you to my friends <3
I walked into the living room I saw my resident nicknamed "Hollywood" sitting with a blank stare and a lifeless look on her face. It broke my heart. I remained intact as I walked towards her. Swallowing my emotions and fighting back tears, I called out to her... no response. She mumbled words to herself but I could not understand. It was in that moment that I felt what these families go through every time they walk in the door to visit their loved ones. I kept strong and tried to get her attention again. Nothing. It made me sick to my stomach that this successful person who had been the first woman stock broker in NYC sat with a listless face staring at the carpet. Hollywood was a woman of determination and dignity. Of high taste and fashion. Her love for life appeared every time she would smile. I knew before I left that this woman needed me. In some way I felt a connection to her the instance I picked her up from the hospital. She needed to be reminded of her importance in this world, of love, and of laughter. I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt engulf me. I saw my other residents. Lou especially because he would always brighten my days. But, it was evident that the weight of Hollywood was too much to bare. I had to walk away.
In my search for encouragement, I found pain. I was reminded today of the fact that Alzheimer's cannot be stopped by a simple entertaining activity. It is only merely postponed.
Though today I will surrender to the exhaustion, I am not going to give up. While those with Alzheimer's will face life's course; it is in the time spent stalling the inevitable I find appreciation for the past, love for the present, and hope for the future. As Lou said, "chin up kid, laughter is always the best medicine. And you gotta good laugh!" ;)
Good night and thank you to my friends <3
Comments (0)
Post a Comment